Epic Train Trip VI - The Epic Disappointment

For years my father had been telling me that I had to see Wieliczka, the enourmous salt mine outside of Kraków that dates back to the middle ages. In its 300km of tunnels are underground lakes, rivers, chapels, ballrooms, and numerous statues, all made from salt. An entire city built from salt, it is listed on UNESCO's original list of 12 world heritage sites.

My expectations were high, as were the prices to get in. 65 złoty, bargained down by me to 30 by insisting that Craig and I were students and had forgotten our ID at home. The cashier believed I was under 25, but didn't believe Craig was. But unfortunately, this acknowledgment of my boyish good looks was the highlight of my trip to Wieliczka. I had expected too much, and short of finding a Morlock, the underground monsters from H.G. Wells' 'The Time Machine', I could only be disappointed. Although what I saw was unique in this world and amazing, I could only think of how tired my feet were and how bored I was.

Once again in my life, the theme of hype ruining substance proved true.

So for all of you, if you're ever in Kraków, pop into the salt mine. It's a real piece of shit. Trust me.


Bitch. He's been on his knee now for 600 years. If you don't know for sure now, you'll never know.


Jesus Christ!

Deeper and deeper in Morlock territory. The tour was 2 hours, and covered 2km of the 250km of tunnels and paths in Wieliczka.

If you are extremely rich and eccentric, you can have your wedding in this enourmous underground hal. Everything is made from salt, even the chandeliers are made from salt crystals. It's these small touches that keep us super-rich satisfied.


Well, they weren't quite Morlocks, but at least I got a couple of notches into my bedpost.

Sloppy seconds for Craig. This man has no sense of shame.