Four eyes ÷ 2 = ???
Dumbo had his feather.Linus had his blanket.
If I were a cartoon character, I'd have my nerd glasses.
Why god? How did it happen?
Was it the punch in the face I got in Krakow? Was it the mosh pit this past weekend where someone knocked them off and stepped on them? Was it that fat retarded kid that sat on them them when I was teaching last year and had to peel them off her ass? Or was it me constantly taking them on and off in front of the mirror and mouthing "Oh yeah."
Whatever it was, today, when I took off my glasses, the frame snapped and shock came over me. The student I was teaching looked at them and said, "No good. Structure damage."
Those glasses were part of my face. Mulan helped me to pick them out, trying on endless pairs until that one was just right, was perfect. They fit my nerd persona perfectly. Without them I feel naked. I don't feel cool. When I don't wear them sometimes, people occasionally don't recognize me and ask me if I've shaved or lost weight. Even me. I keep looking in the mirror now and wondering what Screech is doing in my bathroom naked, brushing his teeth using my toothbrush...my fucking toothbrush, Screech!!
Not once did I want to replace them. Not once did I even look at another pair of glasses. And last year, when I used my benefits to buy another pair, I put them away immediately, only as back up. I hadn't even worn them once in the 10 months I've owned them. Finally, today when I got home clutching my old broken pair, I put the replacement glasses on and looked in the mirror. A minute later I found myself screaming "I HATE YOU! i hate you!' AT THE IMPOSTER IN THE REFLECTION. Had I known what would have happened this day, I would have bought three pairs of them right away 3 years ago and put one pair in my closet, one in a safety deposit box, and one in a time capsule on the moon.
No, these glasses were special. It's not like when you see a nice watch and really need it, and then a month later, see another one you love, and another, and another...These were the last pair and the only pair for me. Only once before did I ever love any personal article this much, my pair of discontinued Nike ninja shoes that I had in high school and wore until they had completely fallen apart and smelled so bad they were in a state of being perpetually aired out. Each time I wore them they brought me joy.
Now what? What the fuck do I do? Does anyone understand this? Has anyone ever owned something that was perfect and they didn't know how to live without? That they never wanted to replace? That became part of their personality? I was going to wear them until they were finally cool in Poland. I was going to give Woody Allen a run for his money for who could wear the same pair of glasses the longest. I was going to have photo albums where everything and everyone got older, but my glasses stayed the same? But not anymore?
What do I do???
Do I do the impossible, which is try to replace them with something identical, which will only result in me trying on 250 pairs of glasses and each time saying, "No, not quite right...". Everyone has felt this before, trying to replace something that was cozy, comfortable, familiar.
Or do I give up and get something completely different? If so, I'm scared. I'm dumbo, and I don't believe I can do it without them...
posted by Tomek @ 5:24 PM
9 Comments:
I will help you pick some new frames.
Awww now Tomek it'll be OK buddy. I remember when I had to ditch my steel capped shoes. I got them when I started working at this crappy, aweful job and they were the only good thing to come out of it. Those shoes followed me everywhere from the UK, Spain, France China and Poland. Finally they died. Its sad and you need to grieve but you will find a new pair of glasses that, if not love you will like
Oh no!!!! I'm so sorry, those glasses were nerdarific. I can't tell from the picture but was it the hinge that broke? Isn't there anyway to fix that? Get a new hinge? Hold on to them, maybe there is a magical eyeglass store somewhere that can fix them. Maybe for now go commando, the right replacement pair will show up, probably when you're not looking. Lafont made my new nerd glasses...they might have somehting.
http://www.framesdirect.com/framesfc/Lafont-lamatj-pr-l.html
For now....RIP dear nerd glasses.
well,finally.we so happy.if you really will feel a need to replace them come home,find a place where people throw used glasses for poor people in 3 world,and there you go.probably you will find a whole bunch.anyway,i remember you told me not to get attached to material things.from now on you just stop looking weird.
I agree with anonymous (your parents?) If you're REALLY a nerd, you'll pick up used, cheapo Angela Bower frames from the cardboard box at the Bramalea United Church. Your old glasses weren't nerd glasses. They were designer, stylin, and are worn by every hipster graphic artist in North America. Oooooh, you WISH you were a nerd!
and that's exactly what i did...
you sounded upset when you told me about it...:( i'm sorry your favourite glasses are gone...but....i think you'll still be a pretty bird without them ;)
Re-vamp your style..
Get some 70's cop-glasses as big as your head.
Elvis Costello's likness on the Simpsons uttered much the same words when his glasses broke:
My Glasses!!! My Image!!!
Don't remember what cartoon Costello did, but you'll figure it out . . . get Harry Potter glasses, cause well, you'd look pretty cool in those.
I love you speak of, shoes: everytime a pair dies so does a piece of my soul. Oh, to own addidas Lendels again . . . & jockey tapper cut boxers . . . discontinued, mine in tatters, I am truely lost!
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