The Oracle of Delphi

While in Athens, I decided to make an important pilgrimage to the Oracle of Delphi. There, for many thousands of years, the god Apollo would fortell the future through a priestess to the many visitors who made the journey, seeking advice. The oracle exerted a great influence, determening the course of marriages, wars, founding of colonies. It was visited by such famous people as Alexander the Great, Herod, and was the site of famous prediction in Oedipus Rex.

I myself was travelling to the Oracle with an important question. For many years, my maturity has been called into question. I never seem to be able to act like an adult, although I desperately want to be treated like one.

So, my question: "Oracle, will I ever finally grow up and amount to something?"

The answer to this question was quite shocking, and I invite you to read further!

As I entered the ruins, astounded by the variety of multi-sized rocks around me, I noticed that snow began to fall. You can imagine my shock, as we all know Greece is a tropical and warm country and snowfall should be impossible. This could only mean that something truly unusual and incredible was about to happen.

I hurried into the remains of the Temple of Apollo itself, and there, found a marble sign, shaped like a podium, indicating that these sacred rocks were not to be touched. I had a premonition, that here, in this holy place, something incredible would happen, when...

Lo and behold! Apollo himself suddenly appeared before me. Momentarily stunned by his good looks and perfect body, I was finally able to come to my senses and ask my question. Apollo, I asked, will I ever act like an adult and become something in this world? "Great Fame Awaits You As a Writer. You Will Write the First Greek Tragedy Sequel and Do For Greek Tragedy What Has Been Done For Police Academy Films" This sounded great, but I wanted to test whether this was really an omniscient being before me, so I quickly asked him what 999 times 999 was, to which he correctly replied 998,001. That did it for me. I quickly ran off with this good news and got drunk in the only bar in town.


I really overdid it in the bar, drinking Ouzo to the point that I actually went blind. Thankfully, a beautiful Greek woman in the bar took care of me and eventually took me home. I had the hottest, wild sex of my life. Until morning, when I woke up and saw this...

Disgusted, I ran to the hotel feeling filthy and used. However, during my 4 hour shower, I was suddenly struck with the idea for a new book. All the details of my day came together, Oedipus Rex 2: Boning Babcia, or maybe, Oedipus GrandRex: Two Wrongs Feel so Right.

Yes, it seemed my trip to the Oracle was indeed a success. That is until I got home, and had a closer look at the pictures and noticed this. Yes, Apollo was wearing a calculator watch. His amazing math abilities were a ruze. So, in the end, did I meet a Greek god, or was it all a clever trick organized by an undersexed Greek widow? We'll never know....unless I ask my magic 8 ball...




No, magic 8 ball, I don't believe I will. Some blog stories are best left a mystery.